Military Showers

"I am not young enough to know everything." - Oscar Wilde

Today, well technically yesterday, 100 years ago a genius was born in Japan.
19 years ago, technically today, another genius was born.

Two completely different geniuses, generations and decades apart.

The classification of genius, isn't what I'm questioning. For I know that identifying it is a subjective perspective.

But is genius accident?
We're all here for a reason right?

I guess I just question the question of life.
How two different accidents are justified in the end.

A boy sits tonight. And in between drowning out his life in a youtube spoken word, or attempting to finish homework due within the next few hours, he nurses his girlfriend who has been carrying his child for almost four months. This doesn't seem like an abnormal situation. But it is more so when you are about to turn 17, and your girlfriend 19 in the fall.
They and their child will be growing up together, I suppose. A doomed consequence.

Another boy sits tonight. He has just paid off his credit card. Gotten a promotion at his already successful firm. He owns a house with his wife of three years in a lovely part of New York. And in between doing all of that, he is nursing his wife as well. Except unlike the first situation, this woman for reasons unknown cannot conceive a child, despite her life long dream to raise a little girl of her own.

It's debatable which situation is more unfair. All things aside, neither couple chose this situation yet is forced to live with it for the rest of their lives.

How is it that this woman into her 30's who is ready to bring a human being into the world unable to do so, but a child can be born by a child herself?

There must be a reason.

The older we get, the more we realize, but the less we remember the values of life.
In our time designated like a military shower. Just enough to get in and get out.

But it's never justified until the water runs out.

Vulture Prophecies

I'm just trying to find my rhythm these days.
And really should be studying for my anthropology test.
However,

I feel like everything is upside down.
And I don't know which way I'm going.

Claustrophobia.
Set in.

Closer.

and

Closer.

and

Closer.

...

I need to get out of here.

This Just In

In today's news:

AVATAR is now the highest grossing film of all time. How I feel about that... I'm not quire sure. AVATAR is a stunning film, and regardless of your opinion or mine, it is beyond innovative. James Cameron, whether you like TITANIC, or ALIEN, or not, always delivers a film. Where AVATAR lacked, was a story. He told a story as old as time in a new way, but you would think with such innovative technology, the story would match. The message was much deeper than could ever be presented on the screen, but I don't feel that the deeper messages was why the picture was made. Which depreciates it's value. I feel it was more made for a, "Hey, look at what we can do!" Sort of situation.

And CORINNE BAILEY RAE's new album, THE SEA, was released today. (A few days earlier than expected) An album I've been waiting for for four years.

But, more importantly. HABITAT FOR HUMANITY has a page where you can donate to Haiti victims and disaster response. It's more than tough for everyone right now, but a little help goes along way. And we may not be far off of something happening to us where we need help. So whatever you can; clothes, blankets, food, funds. Help.

https://www.habitat.org/cd/giving/donate.aspx?link=227&media=Google&source_code=DHQMW0000W1129&keyword=donate%20to%20haiti&utm_source=google-pd&utm_medium=cpc&utm_term=donate%20to%20haiti&utm_campaign=haiti

Egg Roll Cravings

So, the first January post. (About 21 days late, but hey)

So far 2010 has proven to be a bittersweet time. A time of loss and a time of discovery. Especially with the world drowning at the moment. (And tornado warnings in Orange County?!)

And this hunger for better things will hopefully be satisfied sooner rather than later.

Let's toast the year. We're still pretty early in the game.

Christmas Cheer

A very Merry Christmas to you and yours.

May 2010 bring the promise and hope that we all need.

Stick together.
We love you.

Winter Solstice

I have been such a horrible December blogger.

But let's try and fix that.

I lay here alone, about three days until Christmas.
And remember what an interesting time of year this is for me.
Emotionally, physically, financially, just everything about it.
It's about as bittersweet as old chocolate in the advent calendar.

Finances...

I say whatever about it now.
The ends will justify the means until January kicks in.
It will still be worth it, nonetheless.
But it won't be as painful until the reality spins me sideways.
It's a financially tough time for everyone.
And the holidays rolling around makes it no better.
I know for me, personally, it's been a tough few months financially.
But let's just hope 2010 brings new promise and hope during this dark time.

Physically...

It's all so damn draining!
The shopping, the stress, the wrapping.
Sometimes I wonder if Christmas is more about the presentation than the actual holiday itself.
I feel that this year, more than others, I haven't really been able to enjoy the holiday cheer just from being too busy trying to put Christmas together.
Hopefully tomorrow it'll all set in for me.

And emotionally...
Christmas is an emotionally trying time for everyone.
It's the end of the year and you take reflections on everything this past year and make your lists as to how to make the next year better.
But something isn't quite there for me this year.
And for once, everything is almost virtually perfect.
I have a wonderful job that I'm thankful everyday for, despite the occasional low recognition and abuse to some degree. (But I know that comes with any job)
I have wonderful people in my life. A beautiful family, friends that I love with every fiber of my being, a boyfriend that I've waited my whole life for.
I'm continuing my education in higher learning.
And yet something is missing...
Something is empty.
I wouldn't say I'm unhappy, per say.
But I feel an emptiness. A disconnection that frankly I don't know how to find.
And it confuses me.
It makes me debate how natural my situations are.
If they are forced by my imagination.
Or if my imagination is what is making them feel so unnatural for me to be able to accept everything.

Maybe for once it's that I don't have to really fix anything, and I don't know how to operate on dormant in that department.

I don't know.
I hope that 2010 brings me some answers.

Bittersweet November

Amidst the ebay fettish, the freshly colored rainbow totem pole on the white board (with the exception of the color yellow's absence), the anticipation to see Precious (Based on the Novel 'Push' by Sapphire), and the bruises embelleshing my skin from the waist down due to a ridiculous slip down the stairs last night, it is yet another Monday afternoon inside of the cave. It has been a rather reflective, dramatic weekend involving carbonate dreams, hurtful words, and the movie "Coraline".

It was a grey weekend. One that I wish I stayed inside for. Or at least slept off. But I guess that's what tonight is for.

I don't even know what I feel like writing. I feel that there is so much to say, but I couldn't even start it. Let alone divulge further. It seems that November is the end and the beginning to so many things. The beginning of Holiday cheer, and bankruptcy at the same time. Thoughts reflective on the year and setting up goals for the one underneath the fresh fallen snow.

For me, I hope to be making more music than ever. Investing more of my empty brain space in cinema knowledge, lose 20 pounds, gain muscle, cast out the murky waters of my mind dirtied by others or things I've done myself. I hope to have done at least 12 shows by the end of 2012. Be in my new apartment. Work. Work. Work. And play. Live harder than I've lived this year with a clearer head and a brighter, finer tuned outlook on myself and self worth. I want to spend more time with my family, balance out my time easier. To share more. To take more. To sleep more. To be awake for as long as possible. Be the best of everything and not close out 2010 with the bittersweet taste in my mouth that 2009 has left me.

That's not to say I haven't learned anything.

Oh, no.

As always, we learn more and more every year. And I am no exception. Despite the screaming, the pity, the tears, and the successes, I believe I am that much stronger having gone through it all and being here to tell the tale.

In other news, on a much lighter meal, as much as we all wish we could hate her, Lady GaGa has done it again with another quirky, bizarre, and freakishly stylish video.